As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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