By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
