You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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