just tell him i said nine months
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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