I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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