I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
