Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
