my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
