Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
