Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
