hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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