the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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