I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
