this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
