Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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