how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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