My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
