I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
