Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
