Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
