I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
