the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
