He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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