Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
