There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
