i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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