Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
