the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
