Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
