So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize