hell yes lets make some ravioli
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
