You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
