What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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