I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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