I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
