I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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