I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
