I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
