drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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