Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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