I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
