roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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