I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
