Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
