i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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