I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can Purell be used as lube?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
