it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
