I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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