You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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