why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
