She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
