i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
