He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
